… rantings of a depressive procrastinator. Did I mention, I write? …

Stalk me – and Bring Celery

Sunday 9 May 2010 - Filed under Humor + Older & Wiser + WAG

220px-Celery_cross_sectionHere’s how it works, huh? Talli Roland tags India Drummond who tags me and I gotta , what? Answer these questions 5 times? FIVE? Whaddaya, nuts? If I could do anything five times without a nap between, it wouldn’t be answering questions. I answer questions for a living, ferchrissake. And, before you say it, No, I’m not crabby. You say that when you’ve tried to make me do something I don’t want to do and have failed.

Question 1: Where were you 5 years ago?  – Did I mention I smoked a buncha pot back in the day? It kills short-term memory and, at my age, 5 years ago is short-term.

  1. tsunami
  2. Hurricane Katrina
  3. Avian “bird” Flu epidemic
  4. George Bush inauguarated for 2nd term of US President. [clearing of throat; spit on the ground].
  5. I caused all of these natural disasters with my god-like powers.  It’s better not to piss-me-off.

Lest you think I jest, let me explain how I caused #4, above. When former US President Bill Clinton suffered repeated zipper failures, I actually prostrated myself before the Gods, pleading, “Anything would be better than this — sulphur, hail, brimstone — .”  The Gods responded with Dubya. PS: do not believe that happy, benevolent higher power BS. They have a mean sense of humor.

Question 2: Where would you like to be 5 years from now?

  1. Alive
  2. Alive
  3. Alive, alive, o-O
  4. Crying, “cockles and mussels”
  5. Alive, alive. O

Question 3: What is (was) your to-do list today? 

It’s Mother’s Day. I have the day off. When I rose this morning, I picked a t-shirt up off the floor, put it on and went downstairs for coffee.  Turns out something was in it (the t-shirt, not the coffee), bastard bit me so I threw off my fluffy robe, pulled the t-shirt over my head and reached up my own back as far as I could. While I’m doing this flailing-arms-and-titty dance, a guy in a ballcap came up the neighboring driveway (? the house’s been vacant 2 years), grinned at me through the library window, gave a little wave and went on.

My goal today is prevent a recurrance.

Question 4: What 5 snacks do you enjoy?  

  1. Celery.
  2. Carrots.
  3. Cauliflower.
  4. E-coli.
  5. Broc-coli.

Question 5: What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?

  1. Have a facial, manicure & pedicure.
  2. Re-carpet my house and pay full retail for it.
  3. Tip bigger.
  4. Buy a house in Scotland with a landing strip, a private plane, a full staff, & view of the water.
  5. Put out a contract on … let me think this one over … no, if I say it ahead of time, I can’t plead out … it’d be pre-meditated … never mind.

I’m supposed to tag five people — I don’t know the few people who follow me well enough to predict if they will be tagged, but here goes: J.M. Strother, C. E. Dickie, Christi Craig, that’s it, folks. The rest have participated already.

2010-05-09  »  Kate

Talkback x 3

  1. India Drummond
    9 May 2010 @ 1:23 pm

    Hee hee… I feel like I accomplished someething today, just getting you to write this.

  2. Caroline
    10 May 2010 @ 7:35 am

    Remind me to never get on your bad side.

    Just seen this so will be sure to come up with my own answers soon!

    @Caroline I’m simply a dear old thing with poor
    communication skills who sounds bad.
    Ask anyone….except,
    no, can’t ask them, hmmm. Thanks for dropping by. Next time, there’ll
    be pie!

  3. Talli Roland
    13 May 2010 @ 2:55 am

    Oh how I love to see my influence grow (evil cackle!)! Gotta love tags!

    I enjoy E Coli, too. Yum.

    @Talli – Glad you came by. Love your website.

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