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… rantings of a depressive procrastinator. Did I mention, I write? …

WAG #23: the Visit

Monday 24 May 2010 - Filed under WAG

WAGTil now, only family had talked with me after dying. I went cold when I realized who it was  — our former church minister [imagine his surprise when he opened his eyes  and was not standing at the Pearly Gates.] For a quick second, I wished I could see him. This one is hard to believe.

But, no — Hell, no! This business of spirits visiting long after their deaths is strange enough; sure don’t want to see them. [We've all seen what some of them do to Alison DuBois.]  That was certainly his voice — maybe my brain provided the sound-track, but, no, he cleared his throat the way he used to do when building to a point or  if he was uncomfortable. I could damn near see him.

Jeezus-aitch-ka-RIST. 1985, all over again when I’d decided God would just have to strike me dead for breaking loose. All the bullshit about an angry, vengeful God was too much–men get all the plum assignments and women get to be the Ladies Auxiliary.  Enough crap that I decided he’d could make me do it if he liked, but I was no longer going to help brainwash myself. Sweaty palms; I was flooded with guilt for doing nothing, just like old times. Our pastor had promised me a long time ago–after a particularly grueling counselling session–if he was wrong, he’d apologize “When we get to Heaven.”   His face told me then he didn’t expect to have to make good on it. But he did. No explanations. No comments. No, “sorry I fucked up 20 years of your life.”  He said, “I’m sorry I was wrong.”

Even now, that’s all he was sorry about. This whole deal sure fucks with my theology. I turned up the volume on the TV, turned my head away from his voice, and changed channels. 

 

2010-05-24  »  Kate

Talkback x 6

  1. Sue O'Shields
    24 May 2010 @ 8:47 pm

    Amazing, lady! I was sooo completely envisioning this rebellious character. Unexpected, perfect ending!

    ……..@Sue Thanks. Yep, that woman shows up when I’m trying to do other things. You are very kind in your praise. [blush]

  2. India Drummond
    25 May 2010 @ 6:50 am

    Well written! It’s amazing how the ghosts from the past (real or metaphorical) can have an impact on today.

    ……..@India – waddaya mean? Metaphorical? Doncha recognize non-fiction when you read it? Thanks for the feedback. Yep, tomorrow never comes and yesterday never turns loose. Kate

  3. Walt
    25 May 2010 @ 7:52 am

    Creepy and cool all rolled up into one package. I had to read over it twice to get a full grasp of it. I found myself getting hung up on the side-thoughts that were bracketed and italicized.

    You piece makes me wonder what the minister wasn’t sorry about in those 20 years with her. I also wonder why he wasn’t safely tucked away in heaven for doing God’s work as a minister.

    Well written, Thanks for sharing

    ——–Walt – Wow, I’m blushing: both creepy and cool?
    Sorry about all the brackets and italics; I was finding my way showing all the internal chatter & fluctuating emotions. I decided you needed to have difficulty handling it if she/I did. Imagine: you’re watching TV, up in your lair someplace, minding your own business and this happens.

    I know the answer to your first question; about the second, I wondered that, as well. Should have asked him when I had the chance. I’ll never get used to it. Thanks for the great feedback, Kate

  4. rachel wolcott
    25 May 2010 @ 2:04 pm

    Interesting that the narrator visited the minister for help and now he’s reaching out to her from the great beyond. Your story reminds me of how unwanted memories sometimes pop into our heads, make us feel bad and regretful. Nice work!

    ——@Rachel Thank you. I had the distinct feeling the help she sought back then was more-or-less compulsory, hence her inability/failure to “buy in”. Dunno. This woman perplexes me; I wish she’d go away and let me write about someone else.

  5. Dan Powell
    25 May 2010 @ 2:07 pm

    Really strong narrator here. The ‘realness’ of the voice counterbalances the ghostly nature of the story. Is spiritual-realism a genre? If not before, perhaps now.

    ——@Dan Powell – I don’t know if it is. Are you saying this sort of thing doesn’t happen to you? Thank you for the nice feedback. One never knows if there’s enough separation between the living person and the visitor.

  6. Melanie Trevleyan
    27 May 2010 @ 4:12 pm

    Loved the strength of the narrators voice and the creepy situation. Great twist at the end. Well written

    ——Thank you, Melanie.

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